Monday Morning Tail Slap: The Saga Continues
Beavs and Cougs win big on the field; now need to win big in the courtroom
It’s supposed to be a good morning. In many ways it’s a great morning. Beaver fans can waltz into work today feeling the fresh high off of the biggest margin of victory of the Jonathan Smith era. Again, remind yourself where you were this time five years ago. Imagining an Oregon State team beating anyone by 48 points at Reser, at shiny and freshly renovated Reser no less, felt like a pipe dream rooted in the most futuristic kind of science fiction.
In many ways it is a good morning. A fantastic morning even. Oregon State is 2-0 and ranked 16th in the country in the AP Poll. Damien Martinez galloped for a 64-yard touchdown the first time he touched the ball on Saturday night. DJ Uiagalelei had another stellar outing, passing for two touchdowns and rushing for another on his way to playing himself and the rest of the Beaver starters off the field by halftime. There’s so much to talk about and still the actual football part of it is yet again an afterthought. A footnote. A mere sidequest.
Since the realignment monster reared its ugly head the moments of actual football have felt like a reprieve. A well deserved break from all the mental gymnastics involved in the realignment chaos that could turn even the most well-adjusted brain into a pretzel. This is the new normal, friends. From now until forever we will be forced to pay attention to the games being played on the field, the games being played in the boardroom, and now the game being played in the courtroom.
The Beavs and the Cougs are taking the Pac 12 to court. Our own Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, if you will.
On Friday, September 9th, just over 24 hours before the great universities of Oregon State and Washington State kicked off wins against UC Davis and Wisconsin respectively, news broke that OSU and WSU are suing the Pac 12. The first hearing is scheduled to take place in Whitman County Superior Court in Washington later today.
Why so soon? Well, it appears a Pac 12 board meeting is scheduled for Wednesday of this week for all 12 member institutions. The meeting holding a formal vote of some kind has been implied. The timing is fishy and there’s little clarity on why conference commissioner George Kliavkoff would schedule such a meeting. It’s even more suspicious that all 12 schools received invitations. USC and UCLA immediately surrendered their board positions and all the privileges that come with them when they announced their intentions to join the Big Ten last summer. Colorado did the same when they announced their intention to go back to the Big 12 this past July. I don’t think Kliavkoff is getting everyone together to say hi and catch up. This reeks of desperation and some next level sports executive slimery on his part.
These assholes are trying to have their cake and eat it too. Kliavkoff, the university presidents and athletic directors at the ten departing institutions are a sad sack of losers who all left a party at 10:30 and now want to come back in at midnight just to take the kegs.
The overarching fear of Oregon State and Washington State that I’ve gathered from reading wonderful columns on the matter by John Canzano and Pete Thamel is simple: a board meeting of all 12 members could consist of a vote to dissolve the conference, which would evenly distribute the conference’s remaining assets among all 12 institutions and make these rich pricks a little bit richer. Per Thamel, an anonymous spokesperson from one of the 10 departing institutions has stated “9 Members can declare the fate of the Conference at any time.”
How ominous. Does ‘any time’ apply to time after you’ve already bailed on the conference? Can Syracuse vote today on Big East governance? Does Utah get a say in Mountain West operations? Do you think Easy-E invited Ice Cube to be part of group conversations after Cube left N.W.A.?!
It’s next level greed and nothing else. The departing schools smell an opportunity to cut another leg out from under Oregon State and Washington State and get a nice chunk of change in the process. Kliavkoff is merely trying to hang on to whatever pound of flesh he can until he needs to get a job somewhere else. Based on everything I’ve seen from him in the last 18 months I think he’d be a perfect fit at a high character company like FIFA, or perhaps a fledgling enterprise where he can make a real difference like Bishop Sycamore.
The hearing is scheduled for 11 a.m. PT in Whitman County. It is going to be interesting, but goddamnit, it shouldn’t have to be.
Okay, now let’s talk about some actual football.
I enjoyed Oregon State’s 55-7 drubbing of UC Davis from the 200 level of the new west side of Reser Stadium and, y’all, what a beauty she is.
I’ve always loved Reser. Perhaps the greatest endorsement I can give of the recent $161 million renovation is that it helped remind me how beautiful Reser has always been. By that I mean, it fits. It’s not a grotesque monstrosity thrown on top of some outdated design. Soldier Field literally looks like a UFO landed on top of Stonehenge.
It’s shiny, but it’s practical. It’s beers to go, but also a 360 degree concourse. It’s cool designs, art, and appropriately colored strobe lights, but it’s also tiered seating and exceptional sight lines. Oregon State Athletics and Hoffman Construction did a phenomenal job with it.
The only thing better than the stadium was what took place on the field. Through two games in 2023 against one opponent from the Mountain West and one from the Big Sky, it’s hard to truly tell just how good the Beavers can be, but they’ve taken care of business while not taking either opponent for granted. The win against San Jose State was competent and clinical. Saturday’s thumping of UC Davis was an overmatched blowout that the Beavs put out of reach quickly and easily.
Uiagalelei looks comfortable, poised, and (perhaps most importantly) happy to be under center in orange and black. No one has ever been awarded the Heisman Trophy for performances against the competition he’s faced thus far as a Beav, but accounting for eight touchdowns in essentially five quarters is a nice start for the kid’s second chapter in college football.
Defensively, the Beavs have picked up right where they left off in 2022. Neither the Spartans nor Aggies could do much of anything with the ball, and the Beaver D totaled a whopping 11 tackles for loss in the first half against UC Davis.
A Week Three matchup with San Diego State is up next for the Beavs. The Aztecs should be the best team OSU has faced to date in 2023, but after unconvincing wins against Ohio and Idaho State, followed by a blowout loss to UCLA in San Diego on Saturday, another big win should be coming for Jonathan Smith and Oregon State. If the Beavs want to be the team they profess themselves to be, another drama-free dismantling win should be expected at Reser on Saturday.
We don’t want @BelligeBeavs to schedule that victorious Sunday morning ‘Good Morning’ tweet just yet, but 3-0 should be a sure fire expectation for this group. If this turns out to be the case and the rest of the non-conference slate is chalk, then an undefeated matchup with our brothers in realignment asshatery looms on the Week Four horizon. Undefeated and ranked Oregon State at undefeated and ranked Washington State in this season to end all seasons?!
College Gameday would be insane to turn down such a party. Even for Ohio State at Notre Dame. I said it.